Halloween is all about fun for the children so each year i try to think of new ways to jazz it up a bit. One year i held a party for the children in my road, after they had been trick or treating. I made the sandwhiches in the shapes of pumpkins and ghosts, they had fish fingers which looked like fingers with a piece of cuecumber for the nails and they were cut with ketchup as blood. Red jelly is one they like but it has to be mashed up like blood and guts and i put in jelly sweet worms and bugs. My children helped making cakes and icing them with spider webs and spiders on them in black food colouring. We made cakes iced liked flies and ones with red and black lady birds on. All the kids enjoyed the fact it was different. Another year i prepared some surprises for the trick or treaters who called at my door; two big bowls with custard in each but one coloured green and one red with food colouring - a bowl of snot and a bowl of blood! in the bowls i hid all the treats and they had to get their treat out with their teeth! That year i noticed someone else up the road doing something similar, she had one bowl of custard and a bowl of flour with the sweets in and they had to get them out with their teeth from the custard first then the flour which, of course stuck to their faces. Last year i needed to change it again so myself and my neighbour decided to play tricks on the kids who knocked. Outside was our pumpkin and other halloween decorations but all my lights were off. Just inside my front door was loud spooky music playing and i was waiting for them to knock. My cat flap is in the front door so as they knocked i put my hand through and grabbed their legs. They all screamed of course and were unsure what to do as i hadn't answered the door to them, most of them turned and walked down my path where my neighbour was hiding behind a bush dressed as a skeleton (which was funny in itself as she isn't of small frame) she jumped out scaring them again but she did have the bowl of sweets for them! You can't do this to the really little children of course as it would scare them half to death and probably give them nightmares!
It has been such fun here for the last few years but this year i am stuck and can't think of anything different to do!
Sunday, 11 October 2009
Change in behaviours???
One thing i have noticed during my career working with children is the change in behaviour, or is it childrens' behaviour that has changed? Yes unwanted behaviour is much more noticable in schools and even pre-schools but i feel we nedd to question why? Behaviour in children is as it has always been, it is a natural part of childrens' development and learning to hurt other children to get what they want, to answer back and to genrally push the boundaries.
So if it's not the behaviour that has changed or got worse is it the way teaching staff deal with their unwanted behaviour? In my experience the answer to that would be no. Teachers and people who work with children don't ignore the behaviour, they correct the children and punish them in an appropriate manner. Is it the change in the way teachers punish children now? we can all say 'a smack never done us any harm' and we would be just in saying that but years ago not every teacher smacked the back of your hand with a ruler or hit you with a slipper, there were teachers that didn't use physical punishments and still managed to get children to behave.
So why is it that unacceptable behaviour is more noticable now than it has ever been? After observing childrens' behaviours i feel there could be a couple of reasons why. 1, adults working with children need to connect better with children and keep in mind they were children once. When i work with the children at my school i make time to listen to what they have to say no matter how trivial it may seem, when they ask questions about me and things about me i answer them rather than saying something like ' i don't think that is anything to do with you, i'm an adult and you are a child'. I want them to feel they can talk to me about anything, i don't mean be their best friend and act like their school friends, but adults can be friends with children. This way i have found that when i need them to listen to me and behave, they respond majority of the time. So one reason for noticable bad bahaviour could lie with the adults guiding them at school?
2, When working with children you also have to work as close as possible with the parents, this becomes an obstacle when parents don't back up the teaching staff. If the parents aren't behind the staff 100 per cent then there is no point the staff trying to correct unwanted behaviour. When i had told a parent how her child had refused to do his work, swore at me and hurt other children i expected a totally different response to what i got! The mother had a nervous giggle, from embarassment, and just said 'oh dear, better have a better day tomorrow' and took her child home. I was expecting her to have a cross face, tell him off, make him apologise and back me up by giving him a punishment of her own; such as grounding him! How can i or any other member of staff teach the children how to behave correctly if the parents don't give us their support. The children pick up on it straight away and automatically the respect is lost : children won't listen and do as they are asked if there isn't any respect. I, as a parent, haven't always agreed with the punishments teachers have given my children or why they have given them but i back them up every time so my children know they won't get away with bad behaviour. It is so fustrating when there is no back up from parents, it makes our line of work so much harder and there is no point teaching them how to behave at school. So please this is a plea to all parents ; please back up your teachers even if you don't agree at the time, you can always see the teacher about your grievance when your child isn't there.
So as far as i'm concerned children behave the way they always have and they don't need a good smack, they need to learn RESPECT with parental support and guidance to continue through school and gain RESPECT through the teachers and staff getting on their level, being someone they want to communicate with and having time for them.
What do you think? Is the nation getting parenting wrong? should we bring back a 'bloody good hiding'? Is it childrens' behaviour has worsened through change in diets or change in lifestyles? Or is it all the adults faults?
So if it's not the behaviour that has changed or got worse is it the way teaching staff deal with their unwanted behaviour? In my experience the answer to that would be no. Teachers and people who work with children don't ignore the behaviour, they correct the children and punish them in an appropriate manner. Is it the change in the way teachers punish children now? we can all say 'a smack never done us any harm' and we would be just in saying that but years ago not every teacher smacked the back of your hand with a ruler or hit you with a slipper, there were teachers that didn't use physical punishments and still managed to get children to behave.
So why is it that unacceptable behaviour is more noticable now than it has ever been? After observing childrens' behaviours i feel there could be a couple of reasons why. 1, adults working with children need to connect better with children and keep in mind they were children once. When i work with the children at my school i make time to listen to what they have to say no matter how trivial it may seem, when they ask questions about me and things about me i answer them rather than saying something like ' i don't think that is anything to do with you, i'm an adult and you are a child'. I want them to feel they can talk to me about anything, i don't mean be their best friend and act like their school friends, but adults can be friends with children. This way i have found that when i need them to listen to me and behave, they respond majority of the time. So one reason for noticable bad bahaviour could lie with the adults guiding them at school?
2, When working with children you also have to work as close as possible with the parents, this becomes an obstacle when parents don't back up the teaching staff. If the parents aren't behind the staff 100 per cent then there is no point the staff trying to correct unwanted behaviour. When i had told a parent how her child had refused to do his work, swore at me and hurt other children i expected a totally different response to what i got! The mother had a nervous giggle, from embarassment, and just said 'oh dear, better have a better day tomorrow' and took her child home. I was expecting her to have a cross face, tell him off, make him apologise and back me up by giving him a punishment of her own; such as grounding him! How can i or any other member of staff teach the children how to behave correctly if the parents don't give us their support. The children pick up on it straight away and automatically the respect is lost : children won't listen and do as they are asked if there isn't any respect. I, as a parent, haven't always agreed with the punishments teachers have given my children or why they have given them but i back them up every time so my children know they won't get away with bad behaviour. It is so fustrating when there is no back up from parents, it makes our line of work so much harder and there is no point teaching them how to behave at school. So please this is a plea to all parents ; please back up your teachers even if you don't agree at the time, you can always see the teacher about your grievance when your child isn't there.
So as far as i'm concerned children behave the way they always have and they don't need a good smack, they need to learn RESPECT with parental support and guidance to continue through school and gain RESPECT through the teachers and staff getting on their level, being someone they want to communicate with and having time for them.
What do you think? Is the nation getting parenting wrong? should we bring back a 'bloody good hiding'? Is it childrens' behaviour has worsened through change in diets or change in lifestyles? Or is it all the adults faults?
Sunday, 27 September 2009
scientists evidence
I have recently been on a very interesting site called impactlab which has reported their findings on a scientific investigation in the USA, which states how children who are spanked have lower IQs than children who are disciplined in other ways. What really amuses me is how can anybody be shocked by these findings? I'm certainly not surprised as i feel that children who are spanked regularly are taking a beating to their self esteem which has an affect on their emotional well being. If a child's emotional development is affected in this way then, of course, it will have a knock on effect on all other areas of development especially their cognitive development.
Headlice!!!
Now all the children have settled back into school after their holidays, us parents have another issue to overcome - the dreaded head-lice!!! i am inviting you to comment on what experiences you have had with head-lice and what the best thing is to get rid of them and to keep them from coming back.
so far i have only found 2 solutions which actually kill all the lice and their eggs but it does come at a price - they are really strong, overnight, solutions made with chemicals. i have tried the 10 minute treatments but they don't seem to work. I've tried tea tree oil, vinegar, lemon juice, olive oil, and have recently invested in the robi comb which supposedly zaps the little creatures and kills them - all i can say is i wish it did!!!
so can anyone help me with your suggestions so the next time i have to treat my children, i wont have to use heavily dosed chemical solutions.
so far i have only found 2 solutions which actually kill all the lice and their eggs but it does come at a price - they are really strong, overnight, solutions made with chemicals. i have tried the 10 minute treatments but they don't seem to work. I've tried tea tree oil, vinegar, lemon juice, olive oil, and have recently invested in the robi comb which supposedly zaps the little creatures and kills them - all i can say is i wish it did!!!
so can anyone help me with your suggestions so the next time i have to treat my children, i wont have to use heavily dosed chemical solutions.
Children learn what they live
I just want to share this well known verse with you as i feel it is perfect!
If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn,
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight,
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy,
If a child lives with shame, he learns to be guilty,
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient,
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence,
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate,
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice,
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith,
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself,
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.
If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn,
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight,
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy,
If a child lives with shame, he learns to be guilty,
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient,
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence,
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate,
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice,
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith,
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself,
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.
Wednesday, 26 August 2009
support for parents of children with an autistic spectrum disorder
As a mum of 3 children i know how having support is essential. It is essential not only for the children to have different adults in their lives to learn from but it is also essential for the parents.A family which has a child with an autistic spectrum disorder has a whole different set of obstacles to deal with and this can be totally overwhelming.When my son was born it wasn't long before i realized there was something different with his behaviour than the other children of his age. I suppose i was lucky really that i was able to notice his strange behaviours but most of all, accept there may have been an underlying problem. This all became very noticeable from between the ages of 18 months and 2 years. Other children were learning to socialise at toddler group whilst my son was finding 'being nice' a huge mountain to overcome.
Soon he stood out from the crowd as the other children's social and emotional skills were developing at a normal rate and yet he could not mix with them in a proper manner. He was unaware of this at that particular time of his life so it wasn't a problem for him at all. It was me who was really feeling the alienation due to his behaviour. Other mum's would meet up at each other's houses and chat while their little ones played happily together and of course it wasn't long before i wasn't invited. This is where the support started to break down, when really i was in need of it more than them.
As my son grew older there were times when his disorder was noticeable and other times when it wasn't so noticeable and there were 'friends' (and i use that term loosely) that started to drift away from me, or worse still would look upon my son as a 'naughty' child with a mum who obviously couldn't control her child!
Still we had no diagnosis to explain or understand why he was the way he was - but all along i knew exactly what it was so i was as understanding of his fustrations as i could be. I could look into his eyes and see the most beautiful soul that most other people refused to see.
There was the odd person who actually could see him the way i did but most others didn't! What i started to notice was the people who had the time,patience and understanding brought out the best in him; whereas those who couldn't be bothered to look beyond the quirky behaviours most certainly did not!
I could write so much on the struggle of bringing up a child with these difficulties and i'm sure other families who have children with an ASD would be able to relate to them fully. But what i am trying to emphasise is support is a necessity for the families and complete understanding of the child is a must! My son is now 14 years old and has all the support he deserves at school since having the diagnosis of Autistic Spectrum Disorder. He is in a 'normal' secondary school and mixes to the best of his abilities and is constantly battling with being able to control his emotions and fustrations. The most predominent feature of his personality now is that he is the most warmest, kindest individual i know and i truly believe that it is because i never gave up on seeing his true soul, but most of all because i do have some real true friends now who also have nurtured the side of him that was in need of understanding and love rather than only seeing the outbursts of fustrations , because i know, if we all as adults, see any child as being 'bad' or 'naughty' or not worth helping them that's exactly what they will become!!
So if you, as a parent, are living through this at the moment then you are not alone and my advice to you is chose your friends wisely and most of all is never let the outbursts out way the beautiful person your child truly is.
There are many sites that have a wonderful support network with people who are going through similar experiences as your familly so get in touch with them.
Soon he stood out from the crowd as the other children's social and emotional skills were developing at a normal rate and yet he could not mix with them in a proper manner. He was unaware of this at that particular time of his life so it wasn't a problem for him at all. It was me who was really feeling the alienation due to his behaviour. Other mum's would meet up at each other's houses and chat while their little ones played happily together and of course it wasn't long before i wasn't invited. This is where the support started to break down, when really i was in need of it more than them.
As my son grew older there were times when his disorder was noticeable and other times when it wasn't so noticeable and there were 'friends' (and i use that term loosely) that started to drift away from me, or worse still would look upon my son as a 'naughty' child with a mum who obviously couldn't control her child!
Still we had no diagnosis to explain or understand why he was the way he was - but all along i knew exactly what it was so i was as understanding of his fustrations as i could be. I could look into his eyes and see the most beautiful soul that most other people refused to see.
There was the odd person who actually could see him the way i did but most others didn't! What i started to notice was the people who had the time,patience and understanding brought out the best in him; whereas those who couldn't be bothered to look beyond the quirky behaviours most certainly did not!
I could write so much on the struggle of bringing up a child with these difficulties and i'm sure other families who have children with an ASD would be able to relate to them fully. But what i am trying to emphasise is support is a necessity for the families and complete understanding of the child is a must! My son is now 14 years old and has all the support he deserves at school since having the diagnosis of Autistic Spectrum Disorder. He is in a 'normal' secondary school and mixes to the best of his abilities and is constantly battling with being able to control his emotions and fustrations. The most predominent feature of his personality now is that he is the most warmest, kindest individual i know and i truly believe that it is because i never gave up on seeing his true soul, but most of all because i do have some real true friends now who also have nurtured the side of him that was in need of understanding and love rather than only seeing the outbursts of fustrations , because i know, if we all as adults, see any child as being 'bad' or 'naughty' or not worth helping them that's exactly what they will become!!
So if you, as a parent, are living through this at the moment then you are not alone and my advice to you is chose your friends wisely and most of all is never let the outbursts out way the beautiful person your child truly is.
There are many sites that have a wonderful support network with people who are going through similar experiences as your familly so get in touch with them.
The end of the holidays
During this summer holidays i had a terrible time thinking of things to do with the children that would be different and not expensive but i seemed to come up with the same old things - local park, swimming and even at home my 3 were constantly bored!!! well now it's coming to the end of the holidays i find lots of suggestions on this link . i know it's too late now really but i found the site quite useful with new ideas to occupy the children even if we won't be doing them until the october holidays!!!
so here goes.......
well as you may have read on my profile i am a mum and i work with children, so no clues what my blogs are going to be all about! anything to do with children, all children from my own childrens' experiences and what they have taught me, pre-school childrens' contribution to my life, friends children, all the children at the school i'm currently working in and last but most definately not least the young man i am helping ( and he's helping me) at the moment. I believe ALL children have such potential to become pleasant, happy and well balanced people and there are no differences in their pure souls just in their human emotions - which we as adults are ultimately responsible for helping them to understand and deal with thoses emotions.
Gosh that's a fairly heavy start to my first blog but i can promise you there will be much lighter, funnier moments to share. Also any advise on parenting can be shared amongst us but at all times i must insist that all children remain nameless or given a pseudonim to protect them fully.
please start posting your contributions.
Gosh that's a fairly heavy start to my first blog but i can promise you there will be much lighter, funnier moments to share. Also any advise on parenting can be shared amongst us but at all times i must insist that all children remain nameless or given a pseudonim to protect them fully.
please start posting your contributions.
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